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How to make Relationships work for you!


Relationships can be challenging, yet they teach us valuable and insightful lessons, enabling us to look deeper within, questioning our motives, desires and the way we think about ourselves. Relations give us opportunities to unlock the essence of our nature, making us more vulnerable, open, understanding and appreciative of life in general.


The core of any relationship starts with how we relate to ourselves, which determines how we relate to others. We can only give away what we recognise within. The more we become in harmony with ourselves, the more consonance we experience with the people we relate with. The love we feel for ourselves is reflected in our behaviour and the way we present ourselves to the world; simultaneously it determines the people we attract, sometimes as a blessing and sometimes as a lesson.

The parts we do not accept about ourselves will inevitably come to the surface, exposed to how others respond to us. These manifestations can be painful. However, they always serve us with a greater purpose. If we take the time and patience to become aware of the hidden triggers behind the pain, we give ourselves an opportunity to heal the hurt we are carrying with us. Therefore, living on your own for some time can be a very healing experience to get to know yourself better. A period of solitude and introspective can reveal the core essence of who we are, which supports you in any relationship.

“Self-love is the air beneath the wings of all our relationships.” ~ Elin Stebbins Waldal

relationships and love


Trust is essential for building up any relation, be it a committed relationship, friendship or business related. Trust means respecting one another, walking side by side in equality and recognising a deeper meaning and truth within each other. Trust doesn’t come overnight; it is a feeling of safety which is earned over time and through action. Hence, the more we learn to trust ourselves, the safer we feel and the more strength we can put into practising in the outside world.

Trust is an empowering energy, the spirit of love, moving beyond fear and the dynamic of competition. Competition might thrive us for a while and create momentum but is very limiting. The need for competition misrepresent our abilities because comparing or competing with others, is a sign that we do not trust our personal capacities.
When we choose to stay in the flow of our personal evolution, we find ourselves in a cycle of love and confidence; here lies our unique gift which has been given to us to fine-tune and share it with the world.

“Remember that the best relationship is one in which your love for each other exceeds your need for each other.” ~ Dalai Lama


Mutual understanding is a natural flow between two persons, it is not something we can force, nor should it be taken for granted. As we mature, we change, so does our relations, as a consequence we might grow apart from the persons that are most dear to us. If mutual understanding is lacking, growing apart is inevitable and could be the ending of what ‘has been’. However, it can also be an opportunity to shift and repair the relation by raising it to a higher level of awareness.

Regardless of what two people in a relationship feel for one another, love alone is not enough. There needs to be a shared willingness and intention to become conscious of each other’s needs and goals; a shared commitment, with respect for the evolving of both journeys. If we want a relationship to work, we need to come out of our comfort zone and be committed to each other in ways that keep the boat afloat.

CHILDS-WITH-CAT1 A relationship is an agreement where love is a free exchange from the heart. Therefore, we can only lose what does not belong to us (anymore). Perhaps the relationship has outgrown its function and completed its manifestation for a bigger purpose; e.g. to serve us with a particular lesson or insight, to gain personal growth,or possibly the need to have children together, who needed the exact qualities from both of their parents.

“You will know when a relationship is right for you. It will enhance your life, not complicate it.” ~ Brigitte Nicole


When we are in love, we often feel that we have met our soulmate. A soulmate is unlike any other relation, and can be either a romantic relationship or friendship. It is someone you are destined to meet, with whom conversations take flight as if you are lifelong friends. You can be honest with each other without being judged and without getting bored.

A soulmate is not necessarily the perfect match that fits your lifestyle like a fitting glove, but someone who will pull you out of your comfort zone. Someone who will make you step beyond your limits, taking you and your mind to places where you may have feared to go in the past. Proving you that you have no limits, except those you have created with your own mind.

A soulmate is someone who makes you question things and encourages you to look deeper within, to discover that you are perfect just the way you are. Someone who adds quality to your life, who is beaming with pride while watching, supporting, and nudging you, as you learn, grow, evolve, and refine the masterpiece that is you.



The way we perceive ourselves and the universe is changing. Increasingly we are experiencing ourselves as infinite souls with a human experience. Hence, our life events seem to become more profound and meaningful, instead of merely good luck, bad luck or coincidences. This awareness transforms our relationships from a five-sensory commitment to a multi-sensory one. Five-sensory relations find their origin in having a common goal that includes survival and safety, a perception where everything can be seen, heard, touched, tasted and smelled.

The suffering that is part of these ‘old’ relationships brings new awareness to the light, unlocking a need for spiritual growth. Survival alone is not enough; we are striving to fulfil our full potential as multidimensional beings and improve the quality of our lives. Next to a romantic relationship, this also applies to other relations, like with friends, family, colleagues, neighbours and between members of organisations and associations.

Multi-sensory relations sprout from a desire for inner growth and awareness, guided by our intuition, the voice of our heart. This consciousness brings solidarity, harmony, cooperation, sharing and respect for life; inviting maturity by paying attention to the causes of our painful experiences. It asks us to focus on our abilities to change and create joyful experiences with constructive actions. A multi-sensory perception goes hand in hand with the awareness of our innate wisdom and the recognition of that in others. It does not replace the five-sensory perceptions but adds a new dimension to it.


A sustainable relationship is created in the presence of mutual understanding between two people, that surrender to each other in a transparent field of trust, with a fully committed agreement of support and respect.

Credit upper image by Julia Caesar

Creator of Practical Life Guide. A practical guide for living a meaningful life with joy and purpose.


  • Souli Yates

    Beautifully put Monique, thank you ((( ❤️ )))

  • Frances

    Terrific blog, Monique, which I find to be very helpful and supportive in my current life circumstance. Thank you! 🙂 _/l\_

    • Monique

      Thinking of you Beloved Frances. Your inner wisdom will guide you into the direction that will serve your highest purpose!!
      Blessings of Love to you ❤️

      • Frances

        Thank you _/l\_ And yes – I agree absolutely, Monique, that it’s our eternal, all-knowing inner wisdom which, when listened to and trusted, will always lead us in the direction of our highest good.

        Blessing of Love in return, dear Sister, and a warm embrace, too ((( ❤️ ) ) )

        • Monique

          You are such aligned person Frances, I’m sure life is leading you in the direction with your enlightened soul that is eager to move forward!!!
          Big Loving Hug in return Beloved Sis ( ( ( ❤️ ) ) )

          • Frances

            Thanks, dear Monique; and thanks for consistently walking beside me (and all of us here) with such love, support and encouragement, Beloved Sis. It’s truly appreciated, and FELT . . .

            Namaste _/ ❤️ \_

  • Monalisa Joshi

    Hello Dearest Monique I loved this topic, and of course you write so well explaining all the nooks and edges to make an amazing article. I enjoyed reading the whole and the words clearly depict your wisdom about relationships. The part I loved most is the Soulmate…Honestly when I met my husband I had nothing in my mind like soul mate,.. it was just that I wanted to marry him, but no sooner I began to saw many other shades of his personality that I didn’t saw earlier of perhaps I was careless to notice it began to cause disturbance in my life, but after a persistent effort of not giving up on my relationship was something that kept me going, when after the chaos I was silent and listening only to my inner voice, I heard myself saying repeatedly that I loved him and this made me keep trying and slowly I was able to turn all the hatred again into love with love and peacefulness that is a blessing and part of my personality. So Yes I believe it now that soul-mates are connected from souls and even though he doesn’t tell me but I can sense the change that he has brought in him, and he might have felt the same when he was alone too when we were going through the phase of staying apart. That was the moment of truth and brought us together and I look forward to grow old with him. Thank you my beloved SiStar for this beautiful blog and wishing you loads of love and happiness to dwell in all your relationships that surrounds you and brings meaning to your life <3 <3

    • Monique

      Thank you Monalisa dear, for your beautiful wishes and compliments!! I’m honoured to know that you read my blog with interest and recognition. Meeting a Soulmate is something very special and it delights me to hear that you recognise yourself in it and see a happy future for the two of you, after all you’ve been through!! Life has interesting ways to teach us our life lessons and I truly admire you for taking them so well and allow yourself to grow, mature and be grateful for all that you have!! You have greatness within you and I only wish to see that exposed to the world……
      Blessings of Love and happiness to you SiStar! ❤️

  • Catherine DePino

    Very perceptive article about relationships, Monique! You covered all aspects of what it means to be in a good relationship. I particularly liked the part about using our intuition to help us grow in relationships. I know that many people will benefit from reading your insightful articles.

    • Monique

      Thank you dear Catherine for your insightful comment! I truly appreciate your supportive and genuine comments. Our intuition is such trustworthy navigator to guide us in the direction that benefits our growth and joy in life.
      Loving Blessings to you _/|\_

  • Gabriela

    My dearest Monique ! …what a great read your new blog was for me ….. since I am the last person on earth that can claim success in my relationship history ! Your analysis of what should make for a happy , satisfying and healthy relationship makes me look back and try to figure out how those things would have improved things for me … I wish I had someone like you around back then 🙂 ! Awareness would have changed things for the better for sure ! But like you said , all things happen to us for a reason and if anything , I for one , had some good lessons ! Thanks again for bringing to us knowledge in such depth …Blessing to you <3

    • Monique

      Gabriela dear,
      I know what you mean by the ‘awareness’, I wander ‘there’ too sometimes. Although we are gifted with energy, beauty, and vitality during our younger years, awareness comes with the years. Our ‘life-lessons’ teach us the wisdom we need. Unfortunately, they are not always pleasant or joyful. They do make us value all that we have, and how our life unfolds as a result of it. You seem to be doing very well where you’re at the moment; living an independent life with inspiration, appreciation, and freedom!
      Love and Blessings to you Beautiful friend, keep dancing!! ❤️

  • Gabriela

    Thank you for the official announcement , my dear Monique ! I perfectly understand your need for a break and i’m the first one to fully support your decision ! you need to relax and get in a fresh , new mode in order to recharge your batteries ( as they say ) … and what better time than summer ?!?! isn’t summer when most people take a …”vacation” from their everyday lives ? you need to have the space , mentally and physically to fully enjoy it’s beauty and preserve all that solar energy for later on ! So for now , enjoy your Summer …relax , soak in the sun , the warmth and especially the fresh air of the Sea ! Loving hugs are coming your way from another perfect , beautiful , sunny day in NY ! xo 🙂 < 3

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"Throughout my life I've worked through many life processes with the assistance of spiritual teachers, authors and guru's. However, the real change occurred when applying this knowledge into my daily life, directed with the wisdom of my heart and soul".Read More>>


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